I feel inadequate most of the time.

I’m not pretty enough. I’m not skinny enough. I’m not brave enough. I’m not outgoing enough. I don’t cook enough. I don’t love enough. I’m not a good enough person.

And I think you probably feel inadequate most of the time too.

Go online for 2 seconds and you’re inundated with “solutions” to solve all your problems.

Need to be prettier? Here’s 5,000 YouTube videos to show you how.

Need to be braver? Here’s 700 blog posts and 50 books that will tell you how.

Need to be skinnier? These 170,000 websites have the diet/exercise routine that will finally get you there!

Like spending time with yourself? Well, you shouldn’t. Here’s why it’s going to kill you and you need to spend more time with your 92 closest friends.

I didn’t even know that was a problem. I thought I liked spending time by myself. Guess not. Better go find 90 more close friends…

Those are the “problem solvers” we scour the internet for. Technology has solved so many problems. Why wouldn’t it give me the answers to everything “wrong” in my life?

But there’s a new breed popping up everywhere online. I think of them as the “epitome of perfection” or the “Internet Gods”.

The Internet Gods Have All The Answers

These are the people who appear to have their shit together. They’re just everyday people, like you and me, but for some reason they’re always happy and glowing. In their eyes you can tell, they’ve found The Answers. If I can just figure out what they’re doing, then I’ll feel that bliss all the time! My life will finally be complete.

Philosophers have searched for these answers since we could ask questions. What’s the meaning of life? How do we find happiness? So far none of them have come to a consensus. They’re still debating The Answers to this day.

But someone on the internet got rid of all their shit, came up with some photogenic but okay recipes, and found All The Answers. They blog about it so we can find the same Answers and finally be happy.

Apparently the Internet Gods are wiser than thousands of years of philosophers. Who knew?

But they haven’t found the answers. They’re just good marketers. Some mediocre blogging, a nice web design, and some tantalizing photos is all they need to become experts on life. If only the philosophers had taken a marketing class. Then they too could have sold their Answers to all.

These beautiful colors and gorgeous pictures are how the Internet Gods fool you.

Seeing those beautiful pictures makes me warm inside. I feel calm, cozy, and content just looking at them. That’s the opposite of how I feel most of the time. Most of the time I feel anxious and stressed and overwhelmed. Maybe if I made those beautiful dinners I’d feel that way all the time. Maybe if I decorated my house, built a homemade headboard, and baked my own bread I’d finally capture those feelings all the time.

All I have to do is:

• make beautiful looking dinners every night
• capture my children’s every hour looking picture perfect
• gain enough muscle strength to bench press a grown man
• homeschool all the neighborhood children
• work 120 hours a week, plus volunteer and dutifully bullet journal

Then I’ll be happy. Then my life will finally feel complete.

They Know Exactly What You “Need”

Before looking at those beautiful pictures, I didn’t realize I wanted to cook those meals. But they just make me feel so warm and fuzzy. Of course I want to make them and feel that way all the time.

But now, thinking it over a little, all the planning, prepping, cooking, and cleanup…um, I don’t think I want to anymore. I can cook a few times a week, as long as it’s fast, and those recipes do NOT look fast at all. Then there’s the dishes. I only do dishes once or twice a week. This is going to add a ton of work and requires more time than I have to spare.

Yeah, no. I don’t want to make those dinners. But why, for a split second, was I convinced that I needed to?

Because they sold me. Maybe just for a minute, but they had me. I could feel the life satisfaction in those pictures. I’d kill to feel that way every day.

But a second of thinking and I realize, I can’t have that. That life requires way more caffeine, and possibly speed, than I want to consume.

But they seem to be doing it and look how much they’re doing and I don’t see any evidence of drugs or breakdowns. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m not strong or talented enough to have that life. Yet again, I’m just not good enough to have the Answers. My life is such shit.

Wait, what? How’d we get here?

Oh yes. They showed me a pretty picture. I want the feelings that pictures evokes. I realize I can’t have it because my life will never look like that picture.

But they’re doing it, so it must be me. I can’t do it because I’m just not good enough. So I look at some more pictures to get that sweet, sweet life satisfaction high. And walk away more depressed than ever because I’ll never obtain it.

I just wanted to look at some pretty pictures and find a recipe for jam.

But now I’ve got 47 new problems to deal with.

Fuck That

This new marketing voodoo that’s everywhere is messing with our brains. These Internet Gods act as if this “perfect” life is actually achievable. As if they don’t wake up with Albert Einstein hair and yell at their kids before they’ve had their coffee. As if they’re not normal people with faults and failings and dirty houses sometimes.

But we don’t see all that. We just see the magic of marketing - beautiful homes, perfectly coiffed children, and someone whose got all the Answers.

These people are our new “celebrities”. They only show the happy, beautiful parts of their life. So we think they have all the Answers and secretly want to be them. But it’s a sham!

You know what they really know about life? That they just have to create an image of perfection, just enough to make people want it. Then they can “sell” that life as if it’s something real and can be bought. Read my blog, read my book, try my recipes, take my online course - that’s how you can have a life just as great as mine!

Well, I’m saying fuck that.

My life is not full of problems. They’re creating “problems” that I never had so they can sell me a fix. I don’t need to have a spotless house with 3 clean, bright-eyed little children running around. That won’t bring me meaning. It won’t bring me happiness. But when I look at their gorgeous pictures, I worry it just might.

What If There Are No Answers?

What if the problem is more than just people creating new problems for you so they can sell you more stuff you don’t need?

What if the problem is they’re selling Answers, and we’re seeking them, when there really are no Answers to be had?

What if there really are no Answers that will bring me happiness and complete my life?

Whoa now, let’s not get crazy.

I can’t just be fine the way I am. I mean, who is?

I can’t just be weird and enjoy it. I can’t be content with only making dinner a few times a week and eating frozen dinners several times a month. There’s no way I can raise a happy family without documenting every shining moment, adding a filter with #soblessed, then posting it on every social media account possible.

No, that can’t be.

But let’s pretend it can be. Just for a sec.

What if I struggle some days to get out of bed. What if I’m happy sometimes and miserable at others without a clear reason why?

What if I push myself, fail miserably, drink and eat comfort food for a bit, then get up and try again when I’m ready? What if instead of being an overnight success, I trudge along for years and years with no recognition, and just experience the enjoyment of doing work that is interesting to me?

What if I say no to things I don’t enjoy - like cooking lavish meals, taking Instagram-worthy pictures, or cleaning my house? What if I only do the bare minimum for things I have to but don’t really want to - like feeding my offspring and cleaning my house?

What if I live as an imperfect human who has no answers and just does what works for them and tries to get through each day?

No one will probably die. I mean, I’ll make some meals and clean the house enough for crying out loud. But my life is not Pinterest-worthy. Nobody’s getting warm fuzzies seeing pictures or reading about my life. But so far that’s worked out okay for me.

So fuck The Answers. Fuck our search for them. And fuck the people who claim to have them.

Life is messy. It’s sometimes awful. It’s sometimes beautiful. Occasionally tragic. But never perfect.

Life will never feel complete. There is no ultimate life satisfaction and no “secret” recipe that will get you there. It’s just living and everything that comes with that.

It’s hard, but I think that’s just how it is for everyone. From the philosopher’s time to ours, being alive has mostly been just hard. But there are no Answers. You just have to live and experience it. Good stuff, bad stuff, all of it.

That’s it. That’s your recipe. Stop seeking answers. Just start living.