I joined Toastmasters recently. Today I gave my first speech.

Your first speech is often an ‘Icebreaker’. You share about yourself with the group. After each speech, you’re also evaluated. It can be tough, but the evaluation is helpful to learn what you did well and where you can improve.

In my speech, I shared how I struggle with social interactions and that I lack confidence because of it. It’s one of the reasons why I joined Toastmasters.

My evaluator, an amazing person and speaker whom I can learn a lot from, gave me a piece of advice. They said to avoid pointing out your lack of confidence, nervousness, etc. They did clarify that it was appropriate for this speech, since that was the overarching theme. But in general to avoid it.

It’s good advice and something I’ve heard before. On the surface, it makes sense. Pointing out your fear during a speech can erode the audience’s confidence in you. It can diminish your authority. You want to put your audience at ease when you speak, not worry them about how ill prepared or ill equipped you are.

Keeping your nervousness or anxiety to yourself can be the right choice in many situations. But not all. In other situations, it can hurt more than it helps.

Sometimes, you need to build rapport with your audience. One of the best ways to do this is to share your emotions - even if they’re negative. This can be especially helpful if you do it in a way that shows the audience you “get” them. Maybe they need to know you get how painful a breakup is or how complex grief can be or just how terrifying it can feel to speak in public.

In these situations, sharing something painful and personal can quickly build a foundation of trust. It can help you be more genuine and establish authority, instead of eroding it.

I recently watched Brene Brown’s Netflix special and she used this tactic perfectly. She’s a shame researcher and one of the best ways to make people comfortable talking about shame is to talk about your own. She shares many examples of how she’s experienced shame. It instantly puts you at ease. You really feel like Brene Brown “gets” it.

But it takes the right choice for the situation.

In general, I lean toward sharing emotions. I like the bond we can build through being honest about the great and not-so-great things in life. But, I do need to temper this and adjust to the situation.

My evaluator’s advice was incredibly helpful. It encouraged me to analyze it and think about what kind of speaker I wanted to be. There was a lot of positive notes about my speech which helped build my confidence. I also received some good advice on areas I could practice to improve.

Giving that first speech was really tough. I won’t lie. I may or may not have gone straight home afterward and binge-watched “This Is Us” for a few hours to recover.

But I got up there and I gave that speech. And I’m proud of myself for doing it.

And I’m glad I’ve found a group of kind, supportive people to learn from. It’s tough to practice public speaking, but a group like this makes it a hell of a lot easier.