At various times, our lives get busy. Obligations creep in. We say ‘yes’ more than we say ‘no‘. Suddenly, our days are packed and we don’t know what happened.

Fruit trees have the same problem. I know you’re thinking, huh? But stay with me.

Every year a fruit tree will have lush, new growth—hopefully. It’s great and what you hope for. But if you leave that lush, new growth, year after year, the tree will get weaker and weaker. Over time it will produce less fruit. It will get sick. It may even die.

Because, like us, a fruit tree has limited energy. Every season it grows and fruits as much as it can. If there are too many branches, that energy is divided. All those branches will produce a few, tiny fruit. They prevent sunlight from reaching inside the tree. Air can’t flow. Diseases take root. Instead of a lush, full tree you’ll have a weak, struggling one.

So every year, you have to prune your tree. You need to clear out the old and make way for new growth. You have to open it up so sunlight and air can flow through. You reduce the branches demanding energy and strengthen the overall tree.

Your life is like a full, lush fruit tree. Things were going well, so you took on new obligations. You said yes to lots of new things. But you never let go of any other obligations first. Like the tree, there are now too many demands on your energy.

You’re exhausted and struggling. So maybe you think, I’ll just get rid of a few obligations. I’ll stop volunteering once a week and do it once a month. I’ll try to delegate at work and at home. I’ll reduce my screen time.

But it’s not enough. New opportunities and obligations creep in. Maybe you get the chance to lead an innovative project at work. Your kids take on new extracurriculars. The charity needs extra volunteers. And you’re right back where you were.

You’ve made the same mistake most gardeners do. They’re afraid they’ll hurt their tree, so they only prune a little. Unfortunately, underpruning has the opposite effect. When you do that, you don’t free up enough resources. There’s still too many branches to support. There’s not enough sunlight nor air getting in. Next season there’ll be new growth and it’ll be even more congested. Instead of helping, underpruning makes things worse.

When you prune your life or a fruit tree, there’s no half-assing. You have to be fearless and prune a lot. I know, it’s hard. Everything feels so important, but it’s really not. We lie to ourselves to feel useful and needed. No one else can do it like I can. I “have” to do it. It’ll never get done otherwise. But deep down, we know it’s all lies.

Your time and energy are valuable and limited. If you do too much, you’ll do a lot of things, but you’ll do them poorly. If you prune and focus your time and energy, you’ll do a few things, but you’ll do them well.

So pick a few things. Decide what’s most important to you. Prioritize them and prune the rest.

My top priority is my health, both physical and mental. Next is my family/close friends and after that is work/leisure. That’s it. That’s all I have time and energy for right now. Everything that doesn’t fall into one of those categories gets pruned, without remorse.

It means I don’t have a wide social group right now. I don’t volunteer. I travel, but less than I’d like. My free time is mostly spent with my partner and kids.

But that’s just for now. Seasons change. Life changes. My priorities will change too. Once my kids are independent, if I’ve done well, they won’t need as much of my time and energy. That obligation will be reduced. I’ll have space for something else. Maybe I can finally purse the Master Gardener certification. Maybe I can volunteer. Or maybe I can travel a bit more. We’ll see when the time comes.

Until then, I’ll focus on the things that are important to me and I’ll do them well.

If your life feels unmanageable, it’s time to do some pruning. What do you want your life to look like? What are your top priorities? That’s what you focus on. Everything else you prune… for now.

Obligations will still creep in. Exciting opportunities will come up. Ask yourself, do they fit in with my top priorities? What am I willing to give up to pursue them? If you find they don’t fit and you can’t give anything up, be willing to walk away.

Maybe you don’t walk away. Maybe you take it on, and another thing, and another. Maybe life gets busy and unmanageable again. That’s okay. You probably need to do some serious pruning again.

Don’t forget to really go at it. Overpruning is better than underpruning. Even a healthy tree will come back if you cut it down to the ground. Overpruning will free up time and energy for you to focus on what’s really important. And if you find you’ve cut too much, just add something back in.

So get pruning. Your life will be more manageable. You’ll wake up anticipating the things you get to do instead of dreading the things you have to. And be brutal. Prune out all the unnecessary obligations and take back control of your life.