As a kid, I could learn most things pretty easily. Humble brag, I know. But this turned out to be more of a curse than a blessing.

Because not everything in life was easy. And things became more difficult the older I got.

When things were hard, I didn’t know what to do. I’d panic and try to run away if I could. If I had to stick with it, I’d fight every step of the way. The only thing I learned was how miserable it was to try something difficult.

Then came college. Some things were easy, sure. But many more things were a struggle. I had to deal with living on my own, making new friends, juggling a job, and trying to get good grades to maintain my scholarship.

I couldn’t deal with all of it. Because I didn’t know how to struggle. I didn’t know how to push through when things were tough and keep working at them. The only thing I knew was how to run away.

So I did.

After a few semesters, I dropped out of college - more than halfway through the semester as well. I lied to myself about it being better to earn money than to earn a degree. But if I’m being honest with myself, deep down, I felt like a failure.

But I really wasn’t one. I just didn’t have the necessary skills to cope with college life.

One day, I decided to go back to college. It had been a few years. I had learned a lot about myself and had a better idea of what field I was interested in.

I had also read Carol Dweck’s book “Mindset”. In it, she demonstrates that each of us has competing mindsets about our skills. We either have a fixed mindset - meaning the skill is innate and you can’t change it - or a growth mindset - meaning the skill can be improved with practice over time.

This was life changing for me. I had a fixed mindset about most of my skills. I was either good at something or not. But Dweck was saying I could think about them in a new way. Instead, I could improve them over time with practice.

Honestly, it was freeing. I didn’t have to be “good” at college. I just had to work harder and practice (study) more. Skills weren’t something innate. I could grow them, if I wanted to.

So I enrolled in college again. It was challenging, for sure. But I studied and worked my ass off. I earned straight A’s in my Associate’s. Then I transferred to a different university and earned my Bachelor’s in 6 months.

Yes, it was hard. But it was also empowering. Because I stuck with it. I knew I could get better and learn these subjects if I was willing to put in the hard work. And I did and it paid off.

I stopped being “smart”. It’s the best choice I’ve ever made.

Skills are not static. Most things are not. If we want to improve at something, we just have to be willing to focus and put in the time and energy. Sometimes it’s easy - maybe you do have some sort of innate talent that will get you so far - but many times it’s not. Those are the times you have to dig in and work harder. If you do, you will get better at it.

I don’t identify as “smart” anymore. If you want to praise me, tell me I worked hard, that I gave it my best effort, or that I stuck with it. Because those are things I can practice and work harder at. They matter way more to me than being “smart”.